So, this happened

The short story is, I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. The long story? Read on...

I was sitting in my bed reading, when something on the ceiling caught my eye. "Oh," I said to myself, "phew,
that's not a spider." But then I thought, "Gee, I haven't done a 'ceiling spider check' lately," so I began the slow scan of the ceiling (against my better judgement, mind you). Lo and behold, I found one. Right. Above. My. Head! So, I grabbed a bottle of cleaning crap (I don't have a can of Spider Killer handy) and a pile o' tissue, moved the mattress and pillows away from the wall, and squirted. Of course, the thing was smarter than I am, and it leapt straight down the wall to...under the bed? between the mattress and the box spring? I had no idea. After standing there in shock for a moment, I shook the mattress and tried to move the bed around, but didn't see it. Again, I stood there for minutes trying to decide what to do...and if I could sleep under these unknown circumstances. I considered, briefly, inviting myself into your [whoops, that should read "N's"...I might've copied and pasted this from an email to him] bed for the night, but it was midnight already and that would've been ridiculous. So I took the pussy way out and let the spider have my room, while I bedded down on the couch in the living room. Meanwhile, I had this dream: My living room was completely covered in a HUGE spider web, in which a rat and a frog were caught. Plus, Stray Cat We Know [names have been changed to protect the innocent] was walking around in there too. I guess my brain was trying to tell me that I am a pussy.

--End Copied Email Text--

Sorry for the jumble. I might've finished off a bottle of wine in anticipation of having to share my room/bed with a vengeful spider (and possibly his pissed off posse). I knew you'd understand.

Five paragraphs about last week

Boy, time flies. I meant to update as soon as we got back from Chicago, but somehow over the last week I forgot I had a blog (not that anyone's reading it, but still).

Chicago was a good time. We arrived a little later than expected, got a ride to our hotel from N's friend, checked in, and walked straight over to Uno's, which was right next door. At 11:30 p.m., there was a 45-minute wait (we think. There seemed to be a slight communication problem with the hostess. Maybe it was our accents.), so we went to Due's instead, where we sat right down. Note to future Chicago tourists: It's the same thing! Anyway, we had pizza (or pizza tops, in the case of those of us who are avoiding carbs) and a few drinks, took a walk in the opposite direction we meant to go, then made it back to the hotel, where we were so happy to have air conditioning to sleep in, we turned it down to like 30 degrees. I swear, it was freezing in there!

The next day was the wedding, which was fun. The reception hall actually had an Irish pub right inside it, so N's friends all spent a good-ass chunk of the wedding pulled up to the bar and a pint (or what have you). The wedding started at noon. We tried to leave the reception/pub around 7 p.m., till we were dragged back in by a guy who N's "boyz" had gone to high school with (later, N admitted he had no idea who the guy was). I swear, we were getting in the car when the guy called us in. I was so tired and wine-full that I might've done a little whining about going back in (I think my exact words were, "So close! SO close!"). So, we spent a couple more hours at the pub, stumbling out around 9:30, at which time we shoved 6 good-sized people in a car meant for 5. That was fun. I feel very close to some of those people now. Later, we tried to go out and "party" some more. We ended up at a bar ordering food and drinks, and eventually petering out earlier than planned. Fun, but man, were we tired. So overtired, in fact, that N and I had the biggest giggling fit ever, which prevented much-desired sleep for quite a long time.

The next day was spent at N's mom's place, where N's family (mom, sister, niece, nephew) and mine (mom, stepfather) had a lovely luncheon laid out by N's mom. Everyone got along nicely and nothing was spilled (believe me, this is an issue with my stepfather). The next day I went shopping with my mom (for being in a really hot and humid city, I spent way too much time freezing my ass off! I'll never understand why stores, who have to know you're dressed for extreme heat, will turn up the air so high that you can't shop without wrapping your arms around yourself or at least borrowing one of the store's SALE sweaters.).

All in all, a nice trip. This weekend, N and I dragged the mattress from my room into the living room in front of the air conditioning unit and spent quite of bit of time there watching TV (I added the "watching TV" part, though it really is true, so you didn't think I was bragging about spending the whole weekend in bed). It was like indoor camping! We also saw two movies, Wedding Crashers and The Island, which I've just lost the energy to talk about. Plus, this is already too long (I'm sure you've stopped reading by now. I've always known you were a quitter.), and the air conditioner that I'm sitting right in front of is freezing my ass off. Must move to couch!

A panic, a conspiracy, and most likely some crying

Okay, I just had a claustrophobia panic attack. Why? Because I couldn't get my bracelet off. Something's really wrong with me, right? I mean, who has claustrophobia from a stubborn bracelet clasp? I'm not sure what I thought would happen if I couldn't get the bracelet off, but it really sent me into a little tailspin for a few minutes there. Please let me know if this has happened to you! I think I also have a touch of the Alzheimer's (have I told you this before? No, seriously, that wasn't meant to be a joke.). Today I called a coworker Jose. She was not amused. It just slipped out and I have no clue why. At the time I was saying it, it seemed correct.

In other news, inanimate objects are conspiring against me:

• The freeway did not want me to go to work. All kinds of debris was in the road: glass, a load of boxes (possibly containing Gateway computers), a very large and very dead animal.
  
• My TiVo thinks I'm fat. It's subtly "suggested" five different fitness programs by recording them for me on its own.
  
• My electric toothbrush thinks I should brush more. When I press the "off" button, it continues spinning for minutes without any way to stop it.

In other, other news, this is the last opportunity I'll have to chill until next Tuesday night. Tomorrow after work I'm babysitting my friend C's two kids (I know! Sorry, I should've asked if you were sitting down for that one). Our friend M, who has her own kid, will be there, too, so it won't be completely my fault if the kids go to bed hungry, naked, dirty, and weeping. Friday N and I take off for a whirlwind few days in Chicago. Whirlwind because we're going to his friend's wedding, which also involves all manner of activity surrounding it (read, barhopping), plus fitting in family visits, etc. It'll be one of those "need a vacation from our vacation" type, er, vacations, but fun all the same. See ya when we get back!

How I discovered that I'll be renting for a long time

The weekend was a typical one...lots of hanging around and not going to events we'd planned to. But, we did try to be spontaneous and go to a different restaurant. Unfortunately, we made this decision on Friday night. At 7 p.m. In Hollywood. Everywhere we thought of to call was too busy for the likes of us. Every place we passed in the car drive around town was spilling over with people. After about an hour and blood-sugar levels reaching the critical point, we ended up going to Chan Dara, which was not different for us, except for the mass quantities of food we ordered (and subsequently taking home). We managed to get free sake and 10 percent off dinner, though, when we pointed out the small insect floating in N's cup. So, all's well that ends well, really.

Saturday we ended up at The Grove, ate, wandered around for a bit, petted some dogs up for adoption, came home, did I don't know what to fill the time (I might've been sleeping in front of the TV), ended up ordering even more Asian food and downing some wine (That was just me, really. I'm totally a wino now. We can talk about this more later.), and, before we could make a decision about how to fill our evening, got sucked into watching Anchorman before calling it a very early night.

Here's something interesting (sort of): There's a house a few blocks down on N's street that we've been watching being rebuilt from the ground up. It was finally complete a couple weeks ago, and a big For Sale sign went up in front of it. Sunday, there was an open house, so we decided to go check it out. On the way there, I guessed out loud that it would be going for "not less than $600,000." We picked up a flyer, and guess what? The asking price was $1,600,000! I was a million dollars off! A million dollars! Off! We couldn't believe it! Seriously, I mean, N's neighborhood is decent and it's located two blocks from the shopping on Melrose, but there's also a bum who hangs out with his cart on the corner and we hear others going through the trash in the early mornings. The Hills of Beverly it's not. I guess I'm totally out of touch with the real estate market right now. If that house sells for a million-six, I will never, ever, be able to afford a home of my own (unless I move to Idaho, which might not be so bad).

There I go, wine-ing again...

Do you ever get wasted by yourself by accident? It's happening to me right now. Yes, now! So, I had a bit of a bad day, so I came home and poured a glass of wine. After drinking all day Sunday with not much happening, I didn't think this glass would do much, so I poured another. And maybe another (it's hard to keep track). But suddenly, I find myself not at all upset about my day and getting a little ferklempt over an episode of Queer Eye. This doesn't mean I have a problem, though, does it? Boy, the room's a little spinny sitting here at my computer, even. What have I done?? Speaking of that, have you ever left a message on someone's machine/voicemail about someone else and then have the fear that you accidentally called the person you wanted to bitch about? I think I just did that. I'm pretty sure I heard N's voice before I left the message, but shit, I have had 3 (or 4 or 8) glasses of wine, so who knows what I just did. Don't worry, it wasn't about you. I swear. I double, triple swear. Because if you're reading this, then it can't be you. Unless you're psychic!

ITurnedOutTV's drunk tip o' the day: When booking hotels, use an online service (Orbitz, Travelocity, Hotels.com, etc.) to see what's out there, but then go directly to the hotel's own web site to book. In my experience (with flights, too), it's always, always cheaper that way. Trust me. (I thought of this when I wasn't drunk, so really, you can trust me.)

Okay, peace out! Gotta see what's left in that wine bottle.

P.S. I've never held a sparkler in my life

Okay, I think I'm over the fireworks thing. I'm sitting here at home and the fireworks are constantly going off all over the place. They make me jump. Make it stop! I'm totally on edge! It's like that firecracker scene in Boogie Nights. Ugh. I never really loved fireworks as a kid. They always scared the crap out of me. One time, I literally peed my pants at a local fireworks display. Did I mention that I was sitting on my mom's lap at the time? Yeah. Checkmark in the "no kids" box.

Anyway, I'm not out watching fireworks now because N and I didn't feel like dealing with traffic and parking and, ultimately, people. You know how you just don't like people sometimes? Not specific people. The people we would've been with tonight are perfectly fine and we have nothing against them. It's the other people out there. The unknowns. They tend to get in the way.

Speaking of things that get in the way (well, not really, but I've been struggling with a transition for the last 5 minutes), N shaved off the beard this weekend. I had no idea it was coming and didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Beard-N. He answered the door on Friday with just a mustache and a soul patch. I was totally shocked! He looked very West Hollywood for a good 10 minutes there till he finally shaved the rest off. Yes, this WAS an event worth blogging. Shut up.

Smooth-Faced-N and I managed to fit two movies in this weekend: War of the Worlds (traumatized!) and Land of the Dead (yes, a zombie movie, and surprisingly, not half as traumatizing as WotW!). We also went to a friend's bbq in Irvine (traffic!), watched MTV's Live 8 eight-hour coverage (crap! MTV, you are crap!), played a ton of Burnout 3 on the XBox (smashing cars is fun!), drank all day Sunday (somehow, I barely got drunk), slept very late Monday (zzzz), and didn't touch the DVD we rented (Ocean's 12). All in all a good weekend. And a four-day work week to boot! Woo!