Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Attack of the giant fly!


Dude, this is nuts. For the past week, there's been a GIANT fly buzzing around the apartment every night when I get home! I'll be innocently doing something like looking in the fridge or typing on my laptop, and I'll hear that little "bzz bzz" sound. The first time I heard it I couldn't figure out what the hell it was. I finally found out when I went into the hallway and saw this massive (I swear this thing could attack Kong and make it out alive) fly ramming itself against the light. It was so big, there was no way I could kill that thing and feel good about it, so I went through this elaborate scheme of turning off and on lights in the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and finally the outdoor porch, while it followed me (well, the light) around and eventually out the door. I repeated this same scenario two nights in a row (same fly? I don't know!). The third night, I was exhausted, so I got out the cleaning fluids and starting squirting till it died on the floor. I picked it up with a Swifer. Blech. So I figured if it was the same fly, he was gone. But no! The next night, yet another giant fly! All this time, N has not been home to witness said giant flies. He keeps trying to tell me I'm making it up. And now, there's another one buzzing on the window as we speak. Except this one is really tired, probably near death, so he's not nearly as scary as the others. I'm gonna keep him till N comes home to see for himself, because when I just emailed him this picture of it, he didn't think it looked that big. But it is, I swear.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Okay...

...which of you jokers is responsible for my new subscription to Cat Fancy magazine?? I can tell it's a birthday gift because according to the label, it's paid up through April '07. Go on, fess up!

(Gotta go now; the "Fang Shui" article--I'm not joking--is calling my name!)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Big brother might be watching


Some of my best work is wasted on the cat. I just had this "conversation" with her after she ran out of the room, scared of some random noise:

Me: "Why are you running away like a pussy?"
Her: [blank stare]
Me: "Ohhh, because you ARE a pussy."

Does anyone else live their life like they're on reality TV?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Something clever with the word "run" in it


The LA Marathon ran right by our apartment today! Okay, not right in front, but down the street perpendicular to our block. The runners were even visible out our bedroom window. I had anticipated going down there to check it out, but I guess I was more excited than I thought because I had marathon dreams all night long, and woke up every hour after the sun rose. I knew it was time to get up when I heard drums and periodic cheering coming from outside. Turns out, not only were we half a block from the excitement, we were right at one of the "Entertainment Stations," so there was a band, a decent-sized crowd, and my dad. What? My dad? Yeah, I was surprised too, when I was walking up Fairfax and saw a man carrying a chair who looked JUST like my dad. When it turned out that it WAS my dad, he seemed just as surprised to see me, though you'd think he'd have realized that he was just a block from his daughter's apartment! Anyway, he was there to watch for his girlfriend, who was running. Because my dad was there, I ended up staying for a good 3 1/2 hours or so and came away with a nice sunburn. It was pretty cool to see everyone waiting for and cheering on friends and family members. I thought this little girl was particularly cute. Her sign says:
Go Fra-
nk!! You
can do it!

You gotta love the hyphenation on that!

Friday, March 17, 2006

This entry will cost you 99 cents

So I just popped into the 99 Cents Store to see about tonight's dessert options (jealous?). Anyway, when I was checking out, the cashier actually held up an item and asked, "Do you happen to know how much this costs?" In the 99 Cents Store. But, to her credit, it was one of those 3 for 99 cents deals, but really, if you look at it and you work in a store that does nothing but combos of 99-cent items, you shouldn't have to ask that question.

It should be the easiest job in the world, that 99 Cents Store cashier position! They could have a cash register with just one giant button that says "99 cents!" (yes, with the exclamation point). No need for all those other freakin' buttons! How much is it? 99 cents! And this one? 99 cents! Two of these? 99 cents! That car out back? 99 cents! Your first-born child? 99 cents!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Please don't tell my dad about this blog

Something triggered this memory today (unfortunately, my memory works in such a way that I remembered this part but not the part that includes the thing that triggered this early memory):

When I was a kid (Oh boy, I hope this isn't included on the post I did a while back on "when I was a kid" things. I'm too lazy to check, so I'm hoping your memory is just as bad as mine is. I don't know how it could be, though. Who are you again?), I overheard my dad and my grandmother talking about an elderly relative who had died (this could all be wrong, but go with it). Apparently she had slipped in the shower. In my kid brain, I interpreted that to mean that she had fallen and been sucked down the drain, never to be seen again. It only occurred to me years and years and years later (like maybe last year) that she probably hit her head or something. I don't even know who this relative is--and I guarantee you, money-back guarantee, in fact--that if I ask my dad about a relative who died in the shower, he'd look at me like I was nuts (much the way he looks at me when I contradict anything--everything--Larry Elder has to say. Yes, I'm serious).

Monday, March 13, 2006

Step 1 (I think it's step 1)

Too many random companies have my email address. Because I’m an internet addict (the first step is admitting you have a problem), I check my email, oh, a hundred times an hour. Whenever that little “new mail” indicator shows up on the Yahoo page, I get all excited. I should know better by now though, because more than half the time the email is from some cookie company I ordered a birthday gift from last year or the user group from my high school class that I subscribed to after the reunion and that only gets flames from spammers (which are then conveniently emailed to me. For the record, I just removed myself from that list).

I can’t be the only one who constantly visits web sites throughout the day (when I should be working), right? Sites I can’t live without (almost based on frequency of visits throughout the day, in order of visits (first = most daily visits):

Yahoo
Yahoo News
My Yahoo”
Chowhound.com
Tvtattle.com
Tvgasm.com
eclektra
tigerpants
Stuff on My Cat
Bean’s Blog
mimi smartypants
Daily Kitten
Cute Overload: Kittens
Daily Dancer

Seriously, I visit all of these daily. Oh, and there are others. Many, many others. I absolutely have a problem. Help me!

(And, that took a long time to make all those links, so if they don’t work, well, you know how to work the internet...do it!)

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Nooooooooooooo!!

Not Edgar! You bastards!