So, this happened

The short story is, I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. The long story? Read on...

I was sitting in my bed reading, when something on the ceiling caught my eye. "Oh," I said to myself, "phew,
that's not a spider." But then I thought, "Gee, I haven't done a 'ceiling spider check' lately," so I began the slow scan of the ceiling (against my better judgement, mind you). Lo and behold, I found one. Right. Above. My. Head! So, I grabbed a bottle of cleaning crap (I don't have a can of Spider Killer handy) and a pile o' tissue, moved the mattress and pillows away from the wall, and squirted. Of course, the thing was smarter than I am, and it leapt straight down the wall to...under the bed? between the mattress and the box spring? I had no idea. After standing there in shock for a moment, I shook the mattress and tried to move the bed around, but didn't see it. Again, I stood there for minutes trying to decide what to do...and if I could sleep under these unknown circumstances. I considered, briefly, inviting myself into your [whoops, that should read "N's"...I might've copied and pasted this from an email to him] bed for the night, but it was midnight already and that would've been ridiculous. So I took the pussy way out and let the spider have my room, while I bedded down on the couch in the living room. Meanwhile, I had this dream: My living room was completely covered in a HUGE spider web, in which a rat and a frog were caught. Plus, Stray Cat We Know [names have been changed to protect the innocent] was walking around in there too. I guess my brain was trying to tell me that I am a pussy.

--End Copied Email Text--

Sorry for the jumble. I might've finished off a bottle of wine in anticipation of having to share my room/bed with a vengeful spider (and possibly his pissed off posse). I knew you'd understand.