Tuesday, June 24, 2008


You only need an apostrophe in "its" if you can successfully substitute the words "it is" in the sentence.

"The cat licked its butt."
"It's hotter than a mofo outside."

I really shouldn't have to be teaching you this at this age (unless you're in second grade).

P.S. If you're in second grade, how did you end up here?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I'd like to teach the English-speaking world something

The word "is" is a verb. If you have a title or a caption or a whatever in which you are capitalizing other non-prepositions, you need to capitalize "is" as well. I know it's a cute little word and all, but it's a vital one. I can't tell you how often I run across this unforgivable error, especially lately, and I've just had enough.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Thanks, LolCat Buildr!

(If this makes no sense to you, you are not watching enough G4 or spending enough time on the internets. You're welcome for the lesson.)

And, P.S., yes, that IS our cat AND our underwear!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

It's not like you're doing anything better

Hey, I know you're only reading this out of boredom (or because you're from Turkey and searching for lezbo tv), so fill a few minutes of your time "talking" about yourself. You know you like to.
Take my blog reader survey!

It's a thing that, um, lets you answer questions and stuff. And I guess I get to see the answers? I dunno. I really haven't done much research on this. But do it anyway!

In other news, the update on my dad and the DS: he DID manage to play it every day after I left him alone with it. However, he did not realize that he should be playing the same file every day. So, he had five different files all with his name on them and couldn't figure out why the game sometimes remembered him and sometimes didn't.

In other, other news, I have not blown up to a million pounds by adding carbs back into my diet. Though technically, I've only added healthy carbs...and the occasional chocolate-chip cookie ice cream sandwich.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Bits and pieces (and Japanese trinkets)

At his request, N and I gave my dad a Ninendo DS for his 77th birthday (actually, he just requested Brain Age, having seen articles about it being used by seniors to ward off dementia, but I had to explain to him that he needed the DS to play it on). I don't know if you've ever been around seniors and video games (and please, comment here if you have!), but it's pretty funny to watch a 77-year-old try to figure out how to use a hand-held video game system (or any video game, though after an initial hesitation, my mom ended up being a ringer at Wii Bowling). Showing him how to use it was like teaching a penguin how to light a fire (work with me on this one). First, you have to explain what fire is. Along with wood, flints, and heat, for that matter. (Okay, enough of this lame analogy.) Anyway, once I got him up and rolling on it, he was laughing his ass off at having to speak into the game. All this laughing and not answering questions correctly caused him to have an initial Brain Age in the 80s, which did not sit well with him (though it's only a few years off of his real age). I left him with the game and the goal of getting his Brain Age down the 50s. My guess is that once he turned the DS off, he wasn't able to get it back on again. I'll let you know if I'm right after our weekly dinner (not OUR weekly dinner, but the one I have with my dad).

In other news, N and I had a little adventure this weekend. We made it to the California Science Center's Star Wars exhibit one week before it closed (as opposed to our usual, "Hey, we should go to that thing...what? Oh, it closed last week? Damn."). It was kind of lame and full of KIDS. And, they mixed in all this other stuff (I think the exhibit was called something along the lines of the Science of Star Wars--once again, I'm too lazy to do your Googling for you. Anyway, you could use the exercise) that wasn't even Star Wars-related. Like the Roomba. (No kidding.)

After we got the heck out of that kid-germfest, we drove around in the general direction of where we guessed Little Tokyo would be. We eventually found it, but man, downtown LA has all these little surprising pockets around every turn, like Pinata Row (I'm just calling it that, but that's what it should be called), which had dozens (nay, hundreds!) of pinatas all lined up on the sidewalk and hanging from every nook and cranny for an entire block! If I'd had my camera with me, I would've taken a picture. Oh wait, I did have my camera with me, but that laziness I'm known for caught up with me, sorry. When we got to Little Tokyo, we walked around a bit, picked a random curry restaurant for lunch, desserted on some frozen yogurt, and perused the shops. It was a nice little vacation in our own backyard.

In other news, I think I am hereby, officially, you heard it here first, denouncing my 3-year-old low-carb lifestyle. I think. I'll report back, hopefully not 20 pounds heavier.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

This is my brain on drugs

N's washing about a week's worth of dishes right now, and I'm waiting for this little yellow muscle relaxer to kick in. Because I'm so old now (happy birthday to me on Monday! Thank you! Thank you very much!), I have old-people problems, like a bad neck. I just found out that my old herniated disc problem will most likely be chronic unless I get some sort of surgery (yeah, no thanks).

Anyway, now I'm taking some drugs to try to calm it (and me) down. Apparently, these pills make me loopy, and sleepy, and angry! I tried really hard but failed at staying awake for the entire Lost episode (partly because I'm old, and staying up that late on a weeknight hurts me anyway). And when I woke up at the end, I. Was. Pissed! But I'm not sure why. N stood back and let me stomp off to bed, though he said he was scared. Of me.

Oh, N's done now so I better go watch The Office with him before he gets all caught up in something else. Too bad, I had all kinds of hallucinogenic stories to tell you about these drugs, too! (Not really.) (And, N and I just took a few precious seconds trying to figure out how to spell hallucinogen. For the record, that's the right way.)

Crap, this entry sucks eggs. Sorry about that. This is my brain on drugs. Dammit. That would make a good blog title. Pretend you only read it once.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Chaos! (weather and otherwise)

Part I

What the?? Did anyone else just get caught in that MONSOON?? I left my office at noon for a leisurely walk to the mall under clear blue skies, spent all of 10 minutes in Ann Taylor, and came out to find I’d somehow time- and distance-traveled to Florida during hurricane season! I had to practically run the half-mile (give or take…okay, quarter-mile…maybe a few blocks), in the rain, with the wind whipping my long-ass hair all over the place, glasses all fogging up (I’ve been having some contact issues), and skirt flying this way and that. And, to make matters worse, I was dragging a GIANT Brookstone bag that has my new Tempur-Pedic pillow in it. (Sheesh, this paragraph highlights at least two of my recent medical problems. Makes that looming birthday really hit home!). Anyway, an hour later, I’m looking out the window and it’s clear skies again.

Part II

Last week, N and I got our asses out of the house on a weeknight to walk up to The Grove to catch Guster’s free show sponsored by Indie 103.1 (I’m really too lazy right now to link all these things, but you know how to Google). We got found ourselves a nice little spot on the grass among what turned out to be every kind of weirdo jerk in LA:

  1. Woman who would not put her camera down the entire show. She held it above her head or to the side or practically in my face the whole time. Come on, man! Watch the show through your own eyes, not the camera’s! Not only is it lame, it’s just annoying to your fellow concert-goers who are blocked by your body and distracted by the glowing blue screen.

  2. Weird threesome group. There was a guy who had his arms wrapped solidly around two girls the entire show. And I don’t mean in an “oh it’s cold, let me warm you up because I’m a good guy friend” kind of way. This guy was actively caressing the necks and backs and hairs of both girls. N and I couldn’t figure out which girl "belonged" to him, so we just figured that’s what young kids do these days. You know, MTV and dating reality shows and all that.

  3. Drunk or possibly drugged-up (or just crazy) guy. At first, N and I thought he was David from MTV’s Real World Venice (Los Angeles? What did they call that season?), but we quickly learned otherwise (we think). This guy somehow (we missed the beginning of it) got into it with a leather-and-spikes (but otherwise pleasant-looking) punk guy. Not thirty seconds into the show (and thirty inches from us), those two were throwing down, with Punk getting "David" into some wrestling hold that he eventually used to shove him outside the perimeter of concert goers. Then, after crashing into a temporary fence, "David" came back into Punk’s space, pulling something out of his pocket. By this time, I was hiding behind N, who had deftly (and very valiantly) tossed me back there for protection. I fully expected to see some sort of weapon (we’d already seen him toss his cigarette at Punk), but instead, he pulled out a rosary and held it in the air. Eventually...finally...a "security" guard came and pulled him away. Sort of.

Anyway, it was a good show, but it really emphasizes what I hate about going out. People.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

More celebs [and RIP old couch]

[Here’s where I removed a long story about our couch being rejected by the Salvation Army. That sentence is all you really needed to know anyway.]

But anyway, on to the exciting things! A couple weeks ago we were shuttling around my visiting mom, which meant we were out and about much more than we usually are in a given week (or month). And what happens when you’re out in LA? Celebrity sightings! The first night my mom was in, we ate at Larchmont Grill, one table away from George Takei! Surprisingly, I was the one who spotted him and had to whisper to N to turn around and check him out. Also surprisingly, this is not the first time we’ve dined with the man. A few years ago we were also a table away from him at Mishsima.

A day or so later, we were out shopping at Old Navy and I spotted this kid from Weeds (and Nemo’s voice!). I had the urge to go up and ask him for his autograph, because I thought he might think it was cool, but then I got a threatening image of Chris Hansen in my head and backed off.

That same night, we went to Pastis. We were sitting there checking out the wine list and facing the doorway, when suddenly, what has now become my most exciting celebrity sighting ever happened: Michael C. Hall! I never knew I’d be so excited to see him in person, but I squeezed N’s leg so hard when he walked into our line of sight that there just might still be fingerprints in his knee socket! You’re watching Dexter, right??

Unfortunately for my mom, not one of these actors was within her range of TV knowledge. It’s okay, though, because she thinks she sees celebrities wherever we go in town anyway. You should’ve seen the woman she thought was Whitney Houston. She also thought she saw Jennifer Hudson at Doughboys. I probably should just let her think she’s seeing actors she knows, and shut up about the ones she doesn’t. Maybe next time.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Strange strangers

I check my stats occasionally to see if there's anyone out there aside from people I know reading this blog. Turns out, Google sends lots of people my way! Almost all the search terms are quite funny (and puzzling! Sometimes I never figure out how they landed here based on their search words.). Here are the most recent:

  • senior warm-ups and cooldowns
  • john greier
  • honeydew melon sore throat
  • steven tyler restroom
  • something that's fun
  • gyu-kaku comments
  • aruba nintendo wii
  • someone crashed into my car and drove off
  • indigenous nudity television
  • the dreaded needle
  • kombai tribe
  • strapon tonight
  • lezbo tv
  • mutual peeing
  • mu shoo pork
  • internet fame
  • to know when my car is towed
My favorite is "mutual peeing"! WTF?

Monday, February 12, 2007

An open letter to the video game industry

Dear Nintendo and Playstation Bigwigs:

You owe us. You owe us big time! N and I have had two very successful video game gatherings that have resulted in the following purchases by our guests immediately after having experienced video game magic in our home:

  • 2 Nintendo Wii systems
  • 1 Guitar Hero game and controller (actually, I think we were instrumental—no pun intended—in an earlier Guitar Hero purchase as well, so let’s change that to 2 Guitar Hero games and controllers)

These are just preliminary numbers. I’d like to also take credit for any future Wii video game purchases made by those Wii system buyers (you can’t own a game system without buying games for it). I estimate the early totals come to approximately $650 (including additional Wiimotes and nunchucks) for Nintendo purchases and $140 for Playstation. Nintendo can also expect future income of $50 for each purchase of Wario Ware Smooth Moves, which I’m sure our latest party elevated to “must-have” status.

All this being said, I think it’s reasonable to ask for some sort of acknowledgement for creating consumers out of previously indifferent citizens. I don’t need money (though I’d take it!), but perhaps you could toss some freebies our way. Maybe some copies of new games before they’re released? We'll expose our friends to them and bump up your sales when the games are released. Perhaps a couple free Wiimotes, so we can get our doubles tennis on? Free Virtual Nintendo downloads? A poster for our game room wall?

If you don’t like those ideas, I’d also be willing to accept a few bucks to help pay for the chicken wings and booze.

In any case, I’m not saying you should pay us to have fun. We love your products and have purchased them willingly. What I’m saying is, we got people who hadn’t even given a second thought to gaming to buy the Wii. And isn’t that what a great salesperson does? Encourage our gift of sales with a reward. Please?

Oh, and hey, Sony, if you’re listening? We might also have sold a 50-inch TV for you. Just thought you’d like to know.