Look ma, no cavities! (Is that a saying?)

Is there anything more humiliating than sitting in a dentist's chair? You can't see what's going on; you've got a light shining in your face; your mouth is stretched to its limit; because you're such a drooling slob, a loud-ass machine is sucking the crap out of your mouth for you; your own spit and blood and plaque are splashing back up into your face; you can only grunt to answer questions; you're afraid to move or wince or uncross your legs for fear of accidentally bumping the dentist's arm and therefore cutting open your gums; and you're completely at the mercy of some guy or woman you only see once a year, if that.

Seriously, I just had the worst dentist chair experience ever, and this was only a cleaning and check up! I don't know what that chick was doing, but it felt like she was shoving tiny little needles under each damn tooth's gumline! I've never had pain like that during a cleaning. It got to the point where I shut my eyes and pretended I was a soldier being tortured for my country's secrets: I'm strong enough to handle this! You foreigners can't break me! Bring on more torture! Luckily, the pain was over before I had to really test my limits. In an actual torture situation, I don't think many secrets would be safe with me. Unless they were just doing a quick cleaning.

My three-mile drive home from the appointment was almost more painful than the appointment itself. What idiot decided that closing the onramp to the 405 AND the 101 at Sepulveda and Ventura was a good idea? That friggin' detour backed up Ventura Blvd. for miles. And confused jerks can't drive! Just so you know, I HATE you confusing driving jerks. None of you all know how to drive. Period.