I have many complaints

Wanna hear 'em? Well, unless you stop reading right now, you're gonna!

1. There are too many people in this city. And they're all slow, dumb, and in my way. (Many of the following complaints involve them.)

2. I am not eating El Pollo Loco right now, as my belly dreamed about doing all day, because I ran out of patience in the drive-thru after waiting several minutes in a line at least 7 cars long without moving. I lost my shit and got out of there when a woman cut in front of me to "return" something she'd just gotten out of line with.

3. Adelphia is all fucked up. I hate it. (Right now I'm stealing someone's nearby wireless because my Adelphia's "high-speed" internet takes too long to load. If this is your wireless account I'm using, thanks so much! I'll be off in a minute.) They also keep changing cable channel locations so my TiVo is going NUTS! I get a new "lineup change" message every day--EVERY DAY!--telling me something's been moved, deleted, or added. Poor TiVo can't keep up (though it thinks it can, so I wind up with a "Seinfeld" that's actually a CNN report).

4. Stop talking out loud to yourself! If you need attention, just start a real conversation, please! You don't know who you are because you wouldn't recognize yourself (and you don't know about this blog), but it makes me feel better just writing it down.

5. What's the deal with Hotwire? Why is it cheaper if we don't know what hotel we're getting? What is the hotel gaining from this charade (I'd prefer if you'd pronounce that "sha-ROD," thanks.)? Is it embarrassed to let us know how cheap they'd give it away for? I don't get it.

6. Adam, you yelly three-year-old (I'm guessing) in the apartment building next door, SHUT UP! Why are you always yelling? Sure, you sound happy-go-lucky, but do I need to know every time you get into your mommy or daddy's car? Why are you so LOUD? Don't you want to know why I know your name? It's because your parents are loud-talkers too! Shut up, all of you!

Not a complaint, but an interesting fact I just learned from David Letterman: Julian McMahon's dad used to be the prime minister of Australia! Who knew? (Well, probably an entire nation in the, er, Oceanic part of the world...)

That's it. My complaining's getting on my nerves, too.