You're older than you've ever been

...and now you're even older. Bleh. Shut up, They Might Be Giants!

Anyway, my internet is back...for now! Here's what you missed: L's bachelorette party went off without a hitch (at least that I know of). I drank a lot but was surprisingly in control the bulk of the time. Except that I participated in an activity that I usually shun: dancing. And it was fun, so I probably was drunk! At one point, five or so of us were dancing, and when I looked around I noticed that the crowd had stopped and were all facing in one direction. Turns out, there was a "fashion show" going on in the middle of the dance floor. The guys and girls were wearing little to nothing (several of the boys shed their shirts as they walked down the catwalk, and the girls were just barely covered...some with just a few strings and pasties), so we didn't even need to spring for a strip club! All in all, it was a good time. But, boy am I not the clubbing type these days. (And now I'm even older.)

Let's see, what else? Mother-effers around here (and everywhere) cannot drive! I swear, more and more idiots are on the road when I'm trying to get to work. Drive faster! Don't turn right when I have a left arrow! Get off my ass! Go through the yellow! Go through it!! Argh! Some mornings I can be the poster child for road rage, I'm sure. But dammit! Drive!! Oh, speaking of the freeway, should I buy fruit from the guys at the off-ramps? They have cherries! And I want some. But is there something shady about the whole thing? Who are these guys? Tell me!

Please forgive me for saying this, but surely there's a better way to spend my time than filling up and clearing off my TiVo, right? (I know, I don't know who I am anymore, either.) I have the urge to take that ceramics class I've always dreamed of (c'mon, you saw Ghost, right?). Or something. But not the gym. I just can't get back into it. Maybe I'll try. But seriously, I've been too lazy to even go in there to cancel my membership...you think I'm gonna make it in there to work out? Please.

Alright, I think I've used up enough TiVo lead time to start in on Britney & Kevin: Chaotic. What? Tell me you're not gonna watch the first one! That's what I thought.

Mere minutes later: My lord is that show terrible! Ugh! I'm only continuing to watch because she's in England. It's this bad and Kevin hasn't even shown up yet. I'm gonna need a shower after this.